Screw You For Making Me Feel Like I’m Not Enough

I don’t think that I was ready to admit what you did to me. That I was ready to admit that you stripped me naked of all of my strengths and values. You managed to take away everything from me and I let you do it. I let you do it, because I believed you loved me. I let you do it because I had no idea that there were people out there who would do such a thing to someone. I couldn’t believe that I’m capable of falling in love with one of those people. But now I see what you did and I have few things to say to you.

Screw you for making me feel not pretty enough. Every other woman out there was, “So beautiful, oh my God do you see that? She looks stunning.” Yes, she did, but I looked amazing too. I’m beautiful too, but you never seemed to notice that. You never seemed to notice me, it was always the other women who had your attention, it was always them who looked amazing, who walked like goddesses. Not once did it occur to you that maybe I wanted to feel like that too. Maybe I wanted to feel beautiful the way I was, without adjusting any part of me. But I guess you never saw me that way. There was always something missing.

Screw you for making me feel not smart enough. How many times did you laugh at me for asking something I didn’t know? How many times did you laugh at me for not knowing anything about computers? Instead of being supportive and trying to explain them to me, you made fun of me. Instead of being proud that I cared about your work and I wanted to know more about it, you laughed at me, saying how my brain was too small to cope with that. Not once did I make fun of you, not once did I laugh at you for not knowing things. But I guess that’s just the way you are, Mr. Know It All.

Screw you for making me feel not worthy enough. I never felt worthy of your love, of your kisses and touches. You messed me up so badly that I felt like I was the lucky one to have you. I was the lucky one to have someone who was never there when I needed him. To have someone whose idea of fun was making fun of me. To have someone who only cared about himself, to have someone who never cared about me, not once. How lucky I was.

Screw you for making me not enough. You were so good at your games that I seriously believed that I wasn’t good enough for you. That I was never enough, that I had nothing to offer you, that I had nothing to give you besides my unconditional love. So, I loved you, with all of my heart, whenever you were down, whenever you were happy, whenever you failed and whenever you succeeded. I loved you when you treated me like shit, because I believed that you loved me too. I just wish that I’d realized this sooner, that I had seen your true colors before it was too late. That I had seen your manipulation before it got the best of me.

But I guess I had to learn this the hard way. I had to learn to talk again, to breathe again, to love myself all over again. I had to learn that it was never my fault, and I had to learn that you were the lucky one to have me. I had to try so hard to see my beauty, to see my worth in that broken woman you left behind. But guess what? I’m not broken anymore and I know I’m more than enough. It was just you who couldn’t see that.