It Is Very Difficult To Say…

I would like to return time and do some things differently.

We all say this sentence before we tell the magical “Sorry.”

We get out of the car and quite accidentally stand on someone’s leg, we just give him an apology and move on. If we could only do the same with our loved ones. The fact is that people are sometimes unaware of whether they have hurt somebody with their words or actions, so they don’t know they should be sorry while the other person is still waiting for their apology.

I admit: It had always been hard for me to say ” I’m sorry.”

Even then, when I went without any warning or explanation, and later saw you at our friend’s birthday celebration. I didn’t have the power to do it then. And I know, I know it wouldn’t change anything, but I still should have done it.

I can’t take back time, but the memories in me live.

Sorry…..

I’m sorry I didn’t know how to handle the two of us living together, and I’m sorry it scared me. You know, I’m not used to someone bringing me coffee in bed and covering me with a blanket when I fall asleep in the living room. I was scared. Do not ask what scared me because I don’t know. I was afraid I might not be good enough for you. And I was, I was really. Now when I see all those pictures in my head, I realize how much we matched each other and probably never again in my life the jigsaw will not fit in such a perfect way. Perhaps the problem was the perfection in the sea of fake stories.

Sorry, I left and gave up on us.

But in vain, these words are now blown by the wind. And it’s not my first time that I say such a short word with such a significant meaning a little too late.

And maybe the problem is what I’ve never heard those words before. Before you, people didn’t even know that it was in their speech. I don’t blame you. I am used to hearing yelling, just because I broke one glass and never heard “sorry” later. I am used to people throwing papers in my face just because I had to work late. Even then, the astonishing “sorry” never came. And when my mother threw flowers into my father’s face saying that she had enough, there were still no magic words coming out of his mouth. When father went to lunch one day and never returned, guess what had not happened? An apology.

And I feel stupid and miserable that I am trying to find apologies for my disordered way of life. For the first time, I came across a person like you and didn’t know what to do.

I know, all these stories “I’ve never told you” don’t repair things and have no justification for the morning when you brought coffee and the bed was empty.

To us whose dreams are shattered, it is hard to stay in a safe place.

And I promise to teach my children to get things done with a smile, with a thank you, because they need to know that one “thank you” and one “sorry” can change a lot, you just have to gather strength. It’s late for us, but it’s not too late for me to change myself.