I Refuse To Be Your ‘Just In Case’ Girl

Well, I refuse to be your ‘just in case’ girl anymore. I refuse to put up with your inability to make plans anymore and I refuse to be available whenever you need me just like I find it impossible to reach you when the tables are turned and when it’s me who needs you.

I’m just convenient, your safe space, your safe haven and your security. No matter what hits you in life, it’s like the road always takes you to me. But your road only leads you to my door when all the other doors are locked.

When there is nobody else, you settle for me. When you feel lonely and unsure whom to call, I’m the one your fingers dial when you pick up the phone because you know I’m the one person who’ll always answer your call.

Or at least that’s always been the case so far.

What about my needs? What about my feelings? What about my life and my heart? Do I ever get a spot in your busy life? Because that’s what you are, busy, whenever it’s your turn to be there for me.

I know all about your troubles but you never ask how I’m doing. And it’s getting a little bit annoying now.

I can see you’re not invested in this, what we have, I can see it’s just a drive-through for you by the way you talk to me. I’m sorry but I’m not a girl who’s interested in trivia, I’m not interested in small talk. I want real stuff, real talk, the real thing and a real man. I guess I can’t expect that from someone like you.

Because no real man would keep one girl hooked all the time just in case. No man would have an emergency exit in case other relationships fail because that would mean he’s refusing to devote himself completely and looking for a way out. And a relationship shouldn’t be like that. You’re either in or you’re not. But with you, it’s all shady anyway.

You obviously don’t respect me. You don’t respect my time, my needs or anything else when it comes to my life. I’m just someone whom you can always come to when you’re down and when there is nobody else to be there for you but that’s it. I’d be just another random and irrelevant girl if I wasn’t this good to you. Not that I’m relevant now. Just saying.

See, the problem here doesn’t really lie with you as much as it does with me. It’s me who has constantly been good to you. It’s me who has constantly let you use my kindness even when I knew I wasn’t gonna get anything in return. It didn’t take me long to see you for who you were but deep down I always hoped to see things would take a turn for the better. Silly me, I always convince myself that people are better than they are. But I’m done deceiving myself or hoping that things will go in the right direction with you.

This is all I’ll ever be to you. Just a backup plan. Just a girl you’ll call in case everyone else is unavailable. Just someone who’ll make you feel less lonely because that’s what scares you the most.

The truth is, I don’t think that I only deserve to be someone’s second choice. I’m good enough to be someone’s only choice, you know. And if it’s not gonna be you, then fine. It doesn’t have to be. It will be someone else who’ll actually see me worthy of being put at the top of their priority list.

If there is someone else constantly catching your attention, then go get her. Choose her and let me go. Cross me off of your list because if I’m not at the top of it, I don’t want to be there at all.

I am a person and I want to be treated as such. I’m done allowing you or anyone else to treat me like an option. Okay, I learned my lesson and I know better now. I know better than to keep putting you at the top of my priority list when I’m only your ‘just in case’ girl.

So, the next time that there is nobody around, please don’t count on me being there for you either. Next time you feel lonely and have an urge to talk to someone, don’t let your fingers dial my number. Because I’m done always being there for someone who was never there for me.