He Said, He Didn’t Feel Attracted Anymore

I felt it for weeks, that he wasn’t holding me as he had before… He had non-stop no libido. Yes, he was kind and loving, but something didn’t feel right. Of course, I was fearful to check, but I knew there was only one way forward: creating the space for honest, authentic communication. So, with courage in my heart, I asked him straight forward for communication time, being very clear, how important it was for me.

When the evening arrived, I prepared myself with deep breathing and a grounding meditation. In the end, I was the holder of the space. I actually asked my “angels and guides” to hold me for whatever may arise.

I prepared the space with candlelight, incense and lots of pillows in front of the wood burner. For these kind of conversations, I prefer almost going into a ritual space, using a talking stick and – as the holder of the space – calling in our guides and our honest true Selves.

First, I shared vulnerably my fear of not being attractive to him anymore, of my fears, that he may be attracted to someone else or – I named it: “wanting to go out there again to experience other women, letting his male instinct – as I call it – run”.

He did listen carefully and when I finished, he actually thanked me with these words: “It’s incredible how you always feel what’s going on in me and then actually invite me to speak it out loud and clear. I would not dare to open up by myself, but now it feels like a relief being able to speak it out honestly”.

And yes, there it was, his confession of not feeling attracted towards my body anymore but feeling his attention on beautiful women he may encounter in his daily life, may it be during his travels, in restaurants or wherever…

I kept breathing while he spoke, to keep my inner Self (and child) calm and open. I believe, no woman on this world, likes to hear from her partner and lover, that he does not finds her attractive anymore. It does hurt.

But the breathing helped to stay focused and not go into panic. With my calmness, I gave him the opportunity to openly speak of what he felt, what was going on in him, to name other women he felt attracted to and to allow him to clarify his feelings. It allowed us both to speak the truth and he actually felt supported and relieved, that he could confess to me, that he was just attracted to the beauty of younger women.

And it allowed me to get the whole picture. There wasn’t really anyone specific out there. He just felt the “pull”.

When he finished, I asked him and offered him if he wanted/ needed space, if he felt, he needed to experience anything new…. (inside I knew, I did not know, how I would handle it, if he would say yes, but this was not the moment to worry about it. Right now, all what mattered, was the honest truth between us, the allowing of speaking the truth, with all it may bring).

My openness allowed him to really reflect upon his feelings for me. He took some moments until I could hear him honestly and lovingly say: “I don’t know what may happen in the future, I only know how much I love you and what I have with you. This deep connection we share. That is sacred. I love who you are, the person, but the attraction for the body faded. Maybe it will come back…. I hope so. And it’s for you to decide, if you can/ want to live with me on your side, feeling I am less attracted to your body”.

I kept breathing – I had no answer at that moment – so that’s what I honestly replied. I needed to feel into this, knowing how much I loved this man.

We thanked each other for our honesty, closing the ritual space.

To my surprise, and this is the lesson: he was suddenly fully attracted to me again. That night and the next ones, we made beautiful love. There is nothing more captivating for a man than a woman in her power, even if the body is not the most attractive anymore.