You Blew All Your Chances To Be With Me

And after a while, you wanted to come back. You wanted to come back just so you could leave again. It was like this enchanted circle I couldn’t get out of. Leaving and coming back wasn’t all you did to me, though—it was just a part of the equation.

While you were away you would go back to your ex. You would make up some lame excuses why you had to do that, how she had some power over you but you loved me. You clearly made up stories. I simply wanted to believe you so much that I deliberately blinded myself to it, and went against my better judgment.

Every time I would take you back, I would end up regretting it. You would make me feel like I was larger than life and after a short while, you would make me feel like I was so small, insignificant and meaningless. I was always the one to blame for everything. I was too clingy. I was too jealous. I expected too much. And despite everything you did to me, you were never blameworthy. You were always righteous and you always had all the answers.

Looking back at all of it now, I can’t explain my actions. I can’t grasp the fact that I took you back after you had been with her. I can’t believe that I let you in again. I can’t believe you always found some reason to go. I can’t believe that my self-esteem was so low that at times I didn’t know that I deserved better. I was ready to be in something so destructive rather than face being alone. Rather than facing the fact that you are incapable of loving anybody but yourself.