My Only Regret About Leaving You Is That I Didn’t Do It Sooner

When I look at the beginning of our relationship from this point of view, everything seems a little bit absurd. From the moment I met you, I kind of knew that we weren’t made for each other. I just knew that you weren’t the guy for me and that you could never give me what I wanted from a relationship. Even now, I don’t know what made me think that. I guess it was my gut feeling and intuition, which I chose to ignore.

Despite this, I thought I should give it a try with you, because I didn’t think we’d become anything serious. Actually, now I realize that everything related to you had nothing to do with me thinking. The real truth is that I couldn’t control myself around you and that I decided to go with the flow to see what happened.

And what happened was that I was right all along. You were even worse than I thought. Soon after we officially started dating, you showed me your true colors. But it was too late. I was already madly in love with you and there was nothing I could do about it.

At least, that was what I thought. And that is what you wanted me to think.

For a long time, I saw no way out from you. After a while, I realized you were manipulating me. I saw how jealous and controlling you were. I saw that you were a selfish asshole, that you were undermining me and that you were doing everything possible to play with my mind and to make me as insecure as possible. But although I knew all of this, I couldn’t admit to myself that you were actually emotionally abusing me. I wanted to believe that I was too sensitive or that I was just overreacting. I wanted to believe that you loved me despite everything you were doing to me. I know this doesn’t make any sense but that was how things were going inside my brain. I was obviously lying to myself, because that was the only thing that kept me from completely falling apart.

And then, when you hit me for the first time, I realized this really was abuse. I was a victim of both emotional and physical abuse and that is something I had to face. It meant it was about time for me to have a one to one talk with myself. I was afraid of confronting all the emotional and physical wounds you had inflicted but I knew it was something that had to be done.

And that was when I left you.

It all sounds so easy now but it was nowhere close to easy. At that moment, I wasn’t sure of my actions. I was afraid that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. The worst part was your reaction when you saw I was serious about leaving. I remember you saying that I would regret leaving you for the rest of my life. And at that point, I really thought that to be possible.
But now, I know the real truth. Now I know that you told me that to play with me and with my mind one last time. You wanted me to come back to you and to be certain that I would never find a man who would treat me the way he should.

But guess what? Months have passed and I never once doubted my decision.

Yes, I do have some regrets regarding you.

I regret all the years I spent, allowing you to abuse me, while hoping you’d change.
I regret all the sacrifices I made for you.
I regret putting up with everything you were doing to me.
I regret every single tear I cried for you.
I regret every night I spent praying for you to love me.
I regret always putting you first.
I regret never treating you the way you treated me and never giving you a taste of your own medicine.
I regret allowing you to manipulate me and to destroy my self-confidence.
I regret allowing you to break my heart.

And most of all, I regret loving you the way I did because that is something you didn’t deserve.

But what I don’t regret is leaving you and that is something I will never regret doing because it was the best decision of my life. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t walk away from you sooner.