8 Signs Jealousy Is Turning Into Abuse
We all have felt jealousy at certain points in our lives. It’s natural and as long as it’s innocent and under control, it’s okay to feel it. We’re only humans. A little bit of jealousy is even considered normal at certain points of a relationship. If one partner does something flirty, it’s important to let them know how you feel about it and set boundaries both of you can respect. But, unfortunately, many of us know the negative consequences toxic jealousy can have on a relationship. It shakes the core of a couple; the trust and love are clouded with accusations and fear.
Jealousy can be a driving force behind the abuser’s controlling behavior. This is a major red flag, especially if it repeats in the early stages of the relationship. It’s problematic if one person becomes jealous although the other one did nothing. It can manifest in the setting of double standards for partners; the jealous one might ask of the partner to ditch male friends, while he enjoys company of female friends.
To see if your partner could be a potential abuser, if he’s not already one, check for the other ways toxic jealousy manifests in a relationship.
1. Exclusive immediately
If he wants to wrap things up as soon as possible, that could be a sign that there’s something wrong. When we fall in love, everything looks great and so romantic, but be careful if he wants to be exclusive immediately. Take time to get to know each other, take it slow, because true love takes time. If it feels like someone is rushing it, it usually ends up badly.
2. He becomes clingy way too soon
He wants to spend every single moment of his free time with you and if you make any other plans, there’s a problem. If you notice that you’re drifting away from your friends because you want to make him happy, ask yourself why can’t he be happy if you’re having a good time with your friends? Why can’t he be happy with people you care about?
3. Bombing your telephone
If you even manage to go out with your friends or family, he’s bombing your telephone with text messages and ‘accidental’ phone calls. He wants to know when you will get to him because he already misses you terribly. He’s using guilt-tripping to manipulate you into spending time with him. That way he slowly gets control over your life.
4. He is trying to monitor your communications
Trust takes time, but if there’s none from the beginning, there’s a problem. If he wants to know who is calling and texting you or asks you for access to your social media accounts, that’s not healthy relationship behavior. It’s important to set up boundaries from the beginning and learn to respect each other’s privacy. But a relationship without respect is bound to fail.
5. It repeats
When you tell him about it, he acts like he has never done such a thing. Or he offers an apology with a promise that it will never happen again. But it does. Side eyes when you’re talking to someone else, bombing your phone when you’re out without him, stalking you on social media. It’s all because he loves you so much, he just wants to make sure that you’re safe. But is there anything safer than having someone by our side who respects and trusts us?
6. He knows what’s best for you
He knows what men are like—they just want to use you and take advantage of your body. He knows how the world is cruel—he can protect you. He knows what you should wear and where to go. He doesn’t. He’s just trying to control you, because his jealousy got out of hand. It turned into abuse.
7. Accusations
No matter how long you’ve been dating, the moment accusations appear without any cause or reason, don’t dismiss them. Ask yourself was there anything you did that could provoke that kind of behavior? If there’s nothing you did, ask yourself the possible reason behind it. Could it be because he cheated on you? Because he was hurt in the past and is now afraid of being hurt again? Or has his jealousy turned into abuse? Turned something beautiful as love into something ugly as manipulation?
8. Your gut tells you to run
Listen to your gut. Even if the whole world tells you that he’s the one, if your gut is telling you to run – RUN. He could be the sweetest partner in public. He could make you believe in that movie kind of love, the love that is too good to be true, but don’t ignore it if there’s something inside you telling you to walk away. If you find yourself feeling trapped or stalked but dismiss it because ‘it’s all in your head’, there’s a great possibility that it’s not.
