I Don’t Give Up On People Easily, But You’re No Longer Worth The Fight

I never give up on people I love. You know that well, don’t you? Because you deserved to see me turning my back to you, but I didn’t. Because I thought you were worth the fight. I thought that it’s supposed to be this hard, that love should hurt sometimes, that I have to walk miles in pain before I get to feel a trace of happiness. So I fought for you like I never fought for anyone before.

Life was hard on me but I learned not to give up easily. I fight and I try and I fall just so I’d rise again and I keep fighting for what I want until I can’t fight anymore, until giving up is the only option left. And even then I convince myself to try one more time, that maybe this one last try will make a difference. And you have no idea how toxic this is for me.

You’re something special, you know? I loved you. I loved you even when you gave me every reason not to. Even when you treated me like I wouldn’t treat the person I hate the most in this world. You played games with me. You kept making promises you never intended to keep and you fed of off my pain. All I lived with you was disappointment after disappointment. But I told myself that it doesn’t matter and I convinced myself that things were going to change very soon. But things never changed with you.

Things will never change with you. You are who you are. And you don’t see that there is anything wrong with you. You don’t see that there is anything wrong with how you treat others or how you treated me. And honestly, I didn’t see it either for a while. But I finally opened my eyes.

I can finally see you for who you are. I can finally stop deceiving myself and telling myself that you’re a good guy. You’re not a good guy.

Now I understand how I can’t fix you. Not only me, but nobody will ever be able to fix you because you don’t want to be fixed. But what you do want is someone who’ll bend over backwards for you even when you don’t lift a finger for that person. I guess I taught you that things can work this way. But that was my mistake, the one I’m more than willing to correct now.

I honestly don’t get it. How come my efforts were not enough to make you want to try, too? How come you didn’t wish to have a happy relationship, to love and be loved when you saw me trying so hard for you? It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll just have to accept the fact that some questions will remain unanswered.

You have no idea what kind of internal battles I fought. My heart was telling me one thing, but my mind kept telling me something completely different. And I should’ve listened to my mind, but I didn’t. There is no use crying about it now. I was always someone who was led by emotions. But this time, I refuse to listen to my emotions. This time, I refuse to give all of me to someone who doesn’t appreciate it.

You never really valued me. You never really appreciated my efforts and you never truly cared to what happens to us. While I was trying to make us work, you were living life like I’m not in it. And you know what? The least I can do now is stop fighting for someone who doesn’t deserve me.

At the end of the day, when I tuck myself in bed and close my eyes, I won’t have any regrets. I won’t have any demons haunting me or my past trying to pull me into an abyss. Because I know I fought for more than you deserve. My conscience is pure.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure you’ll be able to say the same thing. Years from now when you look back on your life, I’ll bet there will be a regret or two regarding me. But what you’ll regret the most is giving me no other choice other than to give up on you.

At the end of the day, I realized that it’s okay to fight for someone who loves you. It’s not okay to fight for someone to love you. There’s a huge difference.