This Is What My First Heartbreak Has Taught Me

They say you never forget your first real love. And they are right—in a way. I would say that you never forget the first time someone shattered your heart into pieces and the first time someone broke you completely. At least, this is the case with me. I will never forget my first heartbreak. It doesn’t mean I haven’t had my heart broken after that and it certainly doesn’t mean I never loved again. Because I did love, even more than the first time. And I was broken and betrayed even worse than the first time.

So you are probably wondering why I remember my first heartbreak after all these years? Well, it was important to me because it taught me a lot. My first heartbreak was a lesson I never forgot and I never will.

When my first real boyfriend dumped me (no, he didn’t just leave me nor did he walk away from me—he dumped me), I thought that was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I felt like I wanted to die without him by my side and I thought my life lost all of its meaning and purpose without him. I thought my life had come to its end and I was certain that I would never recover from everything he had done to me. I had been certain that he and I would grow old together, the way we all think when we fall in love for the first time. And when I realized that wasn’t going to happen, I didn’t know what to do with my life anymore. I literally felt my heart breaking into pieces—I felt physical pain. I couldn’t breathe without this guy by my side and I was certain I would never get over him. I was sure I would end up stuck on him, holding onto our relationship. Most of all, I was certain that I would never love again. Although objectively speaking this guy was the biggest possible jerk, back then I thought he was everything I wanted in life. I thought he was my perfect man and that I would never meet anyone remotely like him.

And now, years after it happened, I finally see how wrong and foolish I was. But I am thankful for everything I’ve been through. I am even grateful for the pain I’ve been through because if all of it hadn’t happened, I would never have learned the things I have learned.

First of all, I learned that time does heal all wounds. I’ve learned that you will get over everyone and everything with the right amount of time. I’ve learned that I can survive everything and that there doesn’t exist a guy who can put me down.

I’ve learned that nobody in this world, and especially not a man, is worthy of me. No man can define me and my value. Nobody is worthy of my tears and of me putting myself down.
If someone doesn’t want to be in my life, I should let him go without ever trying to hold him back. If someone doesn’t love me enough, it only means he doesn’t deserve me and there is nothing I can do about it.

I’ve also learned that some people are simply not meant to be. Even if I give my entire self to a guy, even if I put all of my efforts into a relationship with someone, sometimes things don’t work out. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is all a part of life. And that especially is not something I should blame myself for. The important thing is that I know I gave my best.

Resentment won’t get me anywhere. Some things and people need to stay in the past, where they belong. Holding grudges won’t change anything. For a long time, even after I stopped loving this guy, I couldn’t move on with my life because I couldn’t find the strength to forgive him for leaving me and for breaking my heart. And then, as I grew older, I started realizing that I had to forgive him—not for his sake but for my sake. So that was exactly what I did. And it made me feel free and liberated like nothing before.

But most of all, I’ve learned that there is always hope for a better tomorrow. No matter how much someone hurts you, you need to have hope that someone better will come along. Although I thought my first break-up was the end of the world, it was actually the beginning of my life.

I just had to learn to love myself more than anyone else and I had to realize that there was nothing selfish in it. I had to accept heartbreaks as a part of life and that was exactly what I did.