I’m Done Being Stuck In This Almost Relationship

Although for a long time I hoped that you would finally see my worth, that you would finally start treating me right and that you would finally come to your senses, now I’ve accepted that this will never happen.

You know, I always wanted you completely for myself. Even when I lied about it, telling you I was OK with this almost relationship you dragged me into, I did it because my ego couldn’t stand begging you to be with me. Even while I was trying to walk away from you, I always hoped you’d stop me. No matter what was going on between us, I always hoped we’d end up being a real couple and that we’d end up in a happy relationship that I knew I deserved.

But none of it ever happened. And it never will.

At first, I thought you were someone who wasn’t capable of love, someone who needed my guidance through life and someone who needed me to hold his hand to fight all of his issues. I didn’t think you were that bad, that you were just lost and that you weren’t hurting me on purpose. You assured me that you were terrified of commitment and that it had nothing to do with me. So I tried not to take it personally, even though it was killing me.

But after years spent in emotional pain, I had to accept the fact that you were just leading me on. I had to accept that you probably know how to love—you just didn’t want to love me. And there was nothing I could’ve done about it.

I was certain of one thing—you didn’t want me to leave you. But you didn’t want for it to happen because of all the wrong reasons. Although I thought it was because you loved me and because you couldn’t stand the thought of your life without me, you just enjoyed having someone to love you at your worst and having someone to always be there for you, even when everyone else abandoned you. I was good for your ego and nothing else.

This was one of the toughest realizations in my life but I’m glad it happened. Because it helped me see that I was actually stuck with you. It helped me see that I was standing in one spot, while you were living your life as if I didn’t exist. It helped me see that years were passing me by and that it was time to take my life into my own hands.

And that is exactly what I did. And that is why I left you and why I told you I was done with you.

And I really am done. For the first time ever, I am not doing this because I need proof of your non-existent love, I am not doing it because I hope you’ll come after me and I am not doing it because I want you to chase me. I am doing it because I’ve had enough.

I am done being at the bottom of your priority list, while you were always my first and only option, because now I know you never wanted to put me first.

I am done putting all my hopes into something that will never happen, because now I know we’ll never become what I wanted for us to become.

I am done being your last resort, because I know I deserve to be someone’s first option.

I am done being your shoulder to cry on, because now I know you didn’t deserve me having your back.

I am done being the person you call every time you are in a bad place in your life, because you never called me when everything was going great.

I am done always being there for you, because you were never there for me when I needed you.

I am done justifying you, because now I know all the things I kept telling myself were just empty excuses.

I am done begging you for your love and attention, because I don’t need it anymore.

I am done letting you ruin my self-esteem, because I know who I am and you can never take that away from me.

I am done allowing you to play with my mind, because I know I am stronger than that.

I am done waiting for you to change, because now I know it will never happen.

I am done wondering why I am not enough for you, because now I know you were the one who wasn’t enough.

I am done being stuck in this almost relationship and there is nothing that you can do about it, even if you wanted to.