You Either Want Me Or You Don’t, This “Almost” Is Torture

You are pulling me close one minute and you are pushing me away the next one. Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you realize you are messing with my mind and my heart?

I crave consistency. I hate this back and forth thing you do. We spend time together and everything is going great. You are into me I am into you. You are kind, loving and the sweetest man alive while we are together and when we are apart, you don’t even bother to check up on me. And as soon as you see me pulling away, you chase me. I hate that. I hate playing games. I hate that you only crave me when you are scared to lose me. When I am distant.

I need more than words and empty promises. I need more than, “Let things be. “, “Enjoy the moment don’t stress about tomorrow “, “Aren’t you happy with the way things are now?” No, I am not happy now. I need you to tell me where we stand. I have heard all the excuses already and I am tired of hearing them. If you care for me as much as you say you do, I don’t see anything stopping you but your own fear.

You are full of ‘what ifs’. And so am I. I am scared too. What if you hurt me? What if everything goes the wrong way? What if you find somebody else? What if you break my heart like nobody ever did?

You know what? I am tired of what-ifs too. We can’t know what the future will bring. What if we are great together? What if we have something real and we lose it because of fears. But I am ready to take a risk. I am ready to leave my fears aside. Are you willing to do the same?

I hope you are. Because I won’t wait much longer. I think I’ve waited for more than enough. I feel like I’ve been here already with somebody else and I don’t want to repeat the same scenario—he one that involves a half-assed man, half-assed promises, and half-assed love.

I don’t want to go through that again. It’s not that I don’t care for you. I really do. Like I never cared for anyone before but you have to realize that I can’t settle for less than I deserve.

I learned my lessons in the past. I don’t want to look back and see you as one more lesson. I hope you will be more. I know you can be more. I know we can be amazing together. Somehow, I sense you feel it too—you just haven’t admitted it to yourself. I hope you will before it’s too late. Before I give up on us.

You just need you to take me in your arms and tell me you are all in. Then we can take it slowly. One step at a time. I just need to know you are mine. That you can proudly call me your girlfriend or introduce me to your friends. That you are ready to gamble and put everything you have on us.

So decide. Either you want me or you don’t. I don’t want to be stuck in the middle with you anymore. I hate this situation we are in. It feels like torture. It’s not making me happy or complete. I hate the “almost” love you are giving me. I hope you will realize that I deserve more than almost. We are better than “almost”.