Why Do You Keep Coming Back To What’s Been Hurting You?

You are everything but stupid. You know very well that there are mean people out there, people who enjoy hurting others. People who enjoy hurting you.

Sadly, one of these people is the man you love. No matter how hard you try and no matter how much effort you put into him and into your relationship, this guy never ceases to disappoint you. He is continuously hurting you as if you can’t feel any emotional pain. He never thinks about your feelings or about how his actions may affect you. Your tears and suffering are of no relevance for him.

The only thing important for him is his own well-being. Your boyfriend is a selfish, narcissistic, egomaniac. He only takes advantage of your kindness and love. He manipulates you and he uses you, just to get his way.

And you know all of this. You try to lie to yourself, but deep down, you are very much aware that this guy doesn’t love you—he just loves being loved by you. You know how much pain he has caused you, but you still can’t find the strength to walk away from him.

You’ve been trying to leave this man for as long as you can remember. You tried to move away from him even before the two of you started anything serious. Deep down, you always knew how toxic he was and you knew he is not someone you needed in your life.

But, every time you tried to walk away from him, he was there to stop you. Every time you tried to run away, he was there to chase you.

And you took this behaviour of his as tokens of his love. You kept thinking that this man must have deep love for you because he never wanted to let you go.

What you didn’t know is that he thought of you as a suitable victim. He enjoyed having someone to support him, no matter what. He enjoyed having a shoulder to cry on, having someone who would always wait for him with arms wide open. He enjoyed having someone who loved him, despite everything he did.

But, he never loved you. Not for real, at least. Because you don’t hurt the people you love. You don’t cause them any type of pain and you definitely don’t break them into pieces.

Actually, when you come to think about it, he would only show his love for you when you were walking away from him. So, you hold on to those moments, thinking that is the proof of his love.
But, as soon as he’d have you back, he’d go to his old ways. He would start with all of his mistreatment, with all of the insults, with his lying and cheating. All of a sudden, you meant nothing to him once again.

This never-ending circle became too exhausting for you. It drained all the positive energy out of you and it has changed you. You’ve become anxious. It ruined your self-esteem and it changed you as a person.

But, despite everything, you keep coming back to him. Despite all the pain he’s been causing you, despite all of the times he has torn you apart. Despite all the tears, all the sleepless nights, despite everything he did to you.

Why is that so?

Do you think he will change? Because, trust me—he won’t. He may promise you the world when you threaten to leave him, but as soon as he sees that he has you back, he will always go back to his old ways.

Do you think he will understand everything you’ve been doing for him? Because, trust me—he won’t. This man will never appreciate you because he is taking you for granted. He assumes that your presence is implied and he doesn’t think you will ever leave him. If he hasn’t realize the intensity of your love for him by now, he will never understand it.

Do you think you will save him? Because, trust me—you won’t. It’s time for you to accept that there are some men who don’t want to be saved. He is one of those people. No matter what you do and how hard you try, you can’t heal this guy. The only thing you can accomplish is to become just like him.

So, what are you waiting for? What is keeping you from walking away once and for all? Why do you keep coming back to what’s been hurting you?

Don’t you know how much you are worthy? Don’t you know that you are this special girl who would be precious for any other guy?

I know you love him. But, don’t you know that you should love yourself first?