You Lost Me Without Even Knowing It

You lost me with every text that you didn’t send me back. With every call that you declined because it wasn’t convenient to talk to me at that time. With the lack of love that you were giving to me but I accepted it thinking that you will change,that my love will change you. But it never did. You lost me with every canceled plan that we had because it was better for you to go out with the guys and stay out late at night, hitting on every girl that would come close to you. You lost me with your short answers to my questions. With your hands that were taking off mine from your body every time I tried to hug you. You lost me with every time you had to go because you were in a hurry and in fact, you didn’t have anything better to do.

You simply didn’t see that I loved you more than myself and truth to be told, that is what I regret the most—giving all my love to someone who doesn’t even deserve the smallest piece of me. Someone who is not grateful for having me close. Because you didn’t see any fun in me being totally honest to you. You thought that all my love and affection is something I need to stop doing because it was suffocating you sometimes. You see, you didn’t know what real love looks like, so you could never accept it completely.

And that’s how you kept losing me day by day. With your meaningless questions, with zero effort to make me happy, with choosing others over me.

You lost me every night when I would go to bed wondering why you don’t love me and why I am not enough for you. But you know what? I was more than enough. The problem was with you. You were the man who didn’t realize what real love is and how you behave when you love someone. You didn’t realize that you can’t do things that hurt me, asking me not to do them to you. You have your own twisted version of love and that wasn’t good for me at all. In fact, I completely lost myself in your toxic love. Trying to make you satisfied, I forgot that I also have a heart that craves love. Love that you could never give me.

So, one day when you least expect it, I will just walk away. I will walk away from you, tired of trying and holding onto something that wasn’t real anymore. And it will be hard for me, I know it will. But that will be the best decision of my life.

I will walk away from you, tired of trying and holding onto something that wasn’t real anymore.

And when you see that something is missing, you will remember me. You will miss a girl lying in your bed wanting to talk to you—the same one you refused so many times telling her that you were tired and that you want to sleep.

You will miss me when I don’t answer your texts. You will miss me when I don’t return your calls. And slowly, you will start realizing that you miss me more than you thought you will. But it will be too late. By the time you see my worth, I will be so far away, starting the new chapter of my life.

And when that day comes, you will see that you didn’t just lose your best friend, your lover and your soulmate. You lost a chance to have a wonderful life with me. You lost a chance to call me your wife while I am holding our baby in my arms. You lost a chance for so many nice memories and a life like a fairy tale.

You lost my love—a love so strong that it could make the world spin around. And that kind of love will never happen to you again. I know that you will try to find me in every woman you meet, but you will never be able to find one just like me. There will always be a missing part of the puzzle, the one that will drive you crazy because you were so close and yet so far away from your perfect partner. And that feeling will eat you alive.
You will think of me, wondering if there is someone who is making my bed warm. You won’t be able to stand the thought that another man is touching my hair and telling me how beautiful I am. You will wish that that is not happening, that I am just around the corner and that I will show up and hug you just the way I know. But baby, it is too late for that now. You lost me the day when you didn’t choose me.

And I put all the blame on you. I guess that what we had wasn’t real. Because truth to be told, nothing that is real can be threatened.