6 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship

Let’s first make sure that we all know the definition of insecurity: it’s the uncertainty, the lack of confidence and anxiety we feel about ourselves and the things we do. It’s the inner feeling of being threatened and inadequate in some way. We all felt it at one point or another in our lives and it is tiring for all of us. We can even go as far as to break certain commitments because we are too scared that something or someone might be too good for us. It can sabotage our success in life and it’s not easy to get rid of.

While most people think that our insecurities come from something our partner said or did, the truth is that is comes from within ourselves. It’s the feeling we grew up with and it’s something that we drag along throughout our entire lives. When you start noticing and showing the sinking feeling of insecurity, there is a possibility that you can’t hide it. That’s what brings us all to the point where we start to act weird around our partner and so on. If you want to heal yourself and become more confident, here are some ways you can do that:

1. Don’t be a mind-reader
OK, we’re women—we can be honest amongst ourselves. We think too much about too many unnecessary topics. We think about so many things that don’t even make sense. And that leads to awful communication problems with no way of finding a reasonable tone. We tend to read the minds of our partners and, of course, it’s never something nice we see. We think that he likes someone more than us for some reason and we convince ourselves that that’s what happening. How about trying to ask instead of assuming? We need to ask our partner what’s going on if we really do feel like everything’s falling apart—not give them the silent treatment and continue to try reading their minds. Because, sorry hun’ to break it to you, but you can’t know what’s going on in his head.

2. A ‘perfect’ relationship doesn’t exist
So, you had a fight. Now you’re sitting in the corner of the room, hugging your knees and seeing the world come to an end. He won’t break up with you just because you had a silly little argument. It’s not that easy. It takes a whole lot of experience to know what you actually want in a relationship and how to communicate that properly. So don’t go around screaming out of insecurity that he’s going to leave you.

3. Know your value
You are a valuable individual and there is no one like you in this world. You are completely unique and don’t you ever forget that. You will find yourself in situations where someone doesn’t know or doesn’t want to see your value and appreciate you, but that’s not your problem. That’s the problem of that person in particular. You don’t have to try and show someone how amazing you are, but rather let your actions speak for themselves. Take it easy. There are people out there who know how wonderful you are.

4. Be independent
Knowing that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself will build your self-esteem to the point where it won’t depend on anything or anyone. If you depend on others and how they act towards you, you can find yourself in some very dark places. But there’s no need for that. People find partners—not because they can’t do stuff by themselves but because it’s more fun when someone does it for you. So, independence can help you become a strong woman who doesn’t really need approval and someone to take care of her and that’s what makes insecurities go away.

5. Stop focusing on the negatives
If you continuously focus on the bad stuff that is happening in your life and in your relationship, only bad stuff will continue happening. You won’t find a way of showing someone that you appreciate all the good things they do for you and that’s why it’s important to focus on the positives. There are so many things that you have in your relationship that you need to be grateful for. He’s probably trying as hard as you are.

See also: How To: Remain Positive When Surrounded By Negative People

6. Trust in yourself
Why don’t you trust yourself and the decisions you make? You have chosen this partner because you thought that he was going to be the best possible option for you and you made him a priority. You don’t need to freak out about everything. Trust that you are capable of taking on whatever life (or your relationship) brings you. You can conquer it all—just believe in yourself.