I Just Regret That It Took Me So Long To Let You Go

I admit it! I gave you all the power over me, thinking that you would love me just like I loved you. I thought that I was everything that you were looking for and that you would finally settle down in my arms. But I was so wrong. And you know what the worst part was? Deep down, I had some strange feeling that you were not the man of my dreams. I felt like you were there just for a short time and that you would leave when you found someone new.

But at the same moment that you would hug me from the back and smell my hair, telling me that you loved me, I would forget all that I had been thinking before. I just told myself that I was probably overanalyzing things and that I shouldn’t think about the bad things. I wanted to finally be happy so I just went with the flow.
So our story began and even if I was happy, from time to time you would do things that bothered me. And over the years, there were so many things that I couldn’t put up with anymore. Because every time I said that you hurt me, you promised that you wouldn’t do that anymore and said that you were sorry. And me, totally blind in love, bought all your shit. I put up with your crap for so much time, thinking that you would change because of me.

I thought that you just needed more time to see how amazing I was and that you didn’t have to seek out anyone else because I was a woman to love.
But despite the fact that I craved a change so much, nothing happened. I was still the girl who was awake the whole night waiting for you to come home, sitting alone and staring through the window. My only friends were all those gray mornings when I waited alone and sleepy. I still wanted you to chase me, to show me that I was enough and worthy and to tell me that you were the happiest man alive because you had found me. But that never happened. With every word that came out of your mouth, my hopes for love and a better future sank. And in one moment, I realized that this story was happening over and over again and that nothing made sense anymore. And you pretended that everything was okay and I was left wondering what I could have done better. But now, I want to tell you something that I wanted to tell you all this time.

You were the one who blew this chance, you were the one who made a mistake and you were the one who messed up everything. Not me, like you were saying all the time. I know that this sounds like a harsh truth coming out of my mouth, but that is all that I wanted to tell you. I know that you like it when things go your way and I also know that you don’t like the person I transformed into. But you know what? This is the woman you made. A woman with so many scars and cracks on her heart but one who is still standing on her own two feet because she didn’t let an asshole destroy her. Because of you, I am like this and I won’t let you lead me on anymore. I just regret that it took me so long to let you go but it is better late than never.

Now I understand that we weren’t a perfect match and that I was always the one with a lot of sympathy and love for others while you were the one who cared about your needs only. Maybe you are just not capable of love, maybe you had been hurt before so you put up emotional walls around you but that is still not a good enough reason to hurt another human being, especially the one you say you love. I don’t want you to think that you broke me so much that I won’t be able to pick myself up again; you didn’t. This letter is just something that I wanted to write for me. When I read it, I will definitely be sure that I did the right thing by letting you go. Sometimes it is better when you read something because you will believe a piece of paper more than your own head. I just hope that one day you will realize what you had and what you lost. And I hope that it will hurt you just like it hurt me every time when you neglected me.

I don’t want you to be hurt more or less, but just to feel the same dose of pain that I felt. And trust me, it will be enough to break your heart. In that moment, you will realize that you lost the best thing in your life and that you will find me in every woman that you meet after me, but none of them will have the same spark in her eyes. With these lines, I am finishing my story and once and for all telling myself that in fact, you don’t matter to me at all anymore.