Thank You For Letting Me Go

I wished you wanted me as much as I wanted you.

Because if you had wanted me as much as I wanted you, we would’ve made it. I swear it would’ve been enough. Just our mutual efforts would have made all the troubles that we bumped into down the road less scary. But you didn’t.

You wanted everything else more than me. Everything else was of higher priority than me. I had to fight for your attention, for a spot in your life, for your time and honestly, I got tired of constantly showing a rainbow to a guy who was colorblind.

I wished you cared for my feelings.

Because if you had cared for my feelings, you wouldn’t have done anything to harm me. You’d have paid attention to the things you did and you’d always have in mind that there is a girl who cares for you unconditionally and who deserves to have her feelings respected. But you couldn’t have cared less how your actions affected me.

I tried to tell you that you were hurting me. I tried to tell you how my heart only wanted you, how I don’t need much, that only you are enough. I didn’t ask from you to tell me bedtime stories or to tuck me in to sleep, I just wish you were more thoughtful. But my wishes never saw the light of the day.

I wished you loved me a little more.

Because if you had loved me a little more, I would’ve never left. I would’ve fought for you much harder and I would’ve never given up on you. But all I got was crumbs of your love while I was burning alive from the love I was feeling towards you. As if it matters now.

Love at first sight didn’t come to life. Because I was the one who loved more. I’m always the one who loves more. I hoped with you it’d be different. But you were just like the rest. You let me fall for you and then you took all my love, but gave only crumbs in return. And honestly, that’s so sad.

I wished you wanted me to stay.

Because I didn’t want to walk away. But you left me no choice. You made me invest myself completely while you were always far away from me in your mind. And I realized that I’m giving my all to someone who doesn’t really see it. What is the point in that? What was the point in giving my time, efforts, love, promises, kindness, devotion and whatnot to you when you just took it for granted?

How do you make a guy realize he’s losing you? I thought you’d see me pulling away from you and that you’d stop me. I walked away because I thought you’d take me by the hand and ask me to stay. But you didn’t. Perhaps you really wanted me gone out of your life.

I wished you didn’t let me go.

Because I wanted you to fight for me just like I fought for you. I wanted you to see that we’re soulmates and that we’re meant to be. I wish you realized how hard I tried, how much I cared, how much I invested myself in our relationship. But even if you did see all this, you didn’t do anything about it.

You let me walk away and it looked like it was the easiest thing in this world. But what hurts me the most is that I’d do things differently if I were you. I’d never let someone who loves me as much as I loved you walk out of my life. I know you don’t get it now, but when you grow up, you might.

I wished you didn’t allow me to fall for someone else.

Because you allowed me to make space for someone else besides you in my heart. You allowed me to see that there is someone who’ll appreciate everything about me that you didn’t. You showed me what love shouldn’t look like and then someone else showed me what love should look like. It was exactly the opposite of what you gave me.

You know, by allowing me to fall for someone else, you made me erase you completely from my heart. You made me delete the smallest possibility for us to ever be together again. You made me see that you were only sent my way as a lesson to never settle for crumbs. You served in my life as a clear picture of how no reason to stay is a good reason to walk away.

Now, I don’t wish any of these any longer.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for my unmet expectations, and for letting me go.