What It Feels Like To Fear You’re Not Enough
Every morning you wake up, you feel afraid. Every time you look in the mirror, you see a distorted version of yourself, a version that others made you believe is you. Every day is a struggle and feels like climbing a damn mountain. Fear is pinning you down and you refuse to allow yourself to feel happy.
Every night your memories are haunting you, chasing the sleep away, making your mind run across all the darkest depths of your past. Thinking about mistakes, poisonous words and opportunities you missed. Drowning you in darkness while sadness is embracing her cold arms around you.
Every time you have a challenge ahead, you panic. Not because you’re not ready, not because you’re not smart or capable. It’s because you’re afraid you are not good enough.
It’s because you have been surrounded by toxic people throughout your life who poisoned your heart and mind with their words of hate. Who undermined your efforts and belittled your hard work. Who couldn’t see the amazing strength and passion in your eyes, because they were too busy breaking you in order to make themselves feel good.
Every time you face love, you freeze. You were broken before, manipulated and neglected. You know the feeling of being constantly compared to other women and the feeling of loneliness in a relationship. You are not unlovable just because some asshole didn’t know how to love you.
You are not less amazing just because he couldn’t appreciate what he had. You are not less worthy just because you dared to hope that he would love you back. Darling, you don’t have to run away from love. Yes, it’s scary and it can seem too much, but it’s also so beautiful once you let it in.
Every time you succeed, you believe it’s luck. Somehow, you refuse to believe that it’s your own hard work, fucking effort and skill that did it. You refuse to believe that it’s you, and only you who did it. Luck had nothing to do with it. Your incredible mind, deeper than any ocean out there and your imagination, more beautiful than the universe full of stars itself. That crazy fire of yours and your badass skills.
Just because you did it your own way, it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way. So, please, don’t let anyone convince you into thinking that your hard work is non-existent. That you wouldn’t be here without luck. Because, trust me, luck is just two percent of the success. Sweating, working and fucking killing it is the rest. And you did it all.
Every time someone tells you you’re beautiful, you laugh it away. It’s not because you want attention, it’s not because you want them to repeat it over and over again. It’s because you don’t believe them. You still see that person others convinced you that you are. You see your flaws where there aren’t any.
You see scars and I see a survival story of one hell of a warrior who walked through fire. You see an imperfect body, while I see a glorious work of art. You see your silly, crazy heart, while I see someone who is so warm and shining bright like the sun. I see your passion, your fierce spirit and that fire that’s burning inside of you. I see an amazing and wonderful person. And what kills me is that you can’t see her too.
Darling, there are not enough strong words to describe how truly remarkable you are. There is no strong person with an easy past and there is no success without failure. Dust yourself off, get up and remember that you got this. You did it before, you can do it again. You had days when you felt like you were not going to make it. You had nights where you felt like you were going to drown in your own tears.
You felt the pain that was tearing you up from the inside, feeling like you were going to fall apart and there wouldn’t be anyone to pick you up. But you’re still here. You’re still breathing. You’re still amazing, beautiful and more than enough.
You are indescribable.