In Your Absence, You’ve Taught Me How To Live Without You

In your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.
There was once a time when I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. You had come into my life and unexpectedly became the most important person to me. You became my best friend, my rock, my comfort and my truth to reality. You were my biggest cheerleader, saying that you would always be there to support me. You believed in me when no one else did, including myself.

In your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.
I tried not to fall in love with you, but I was absolutely powerless to stop. Before I realized the danger zone, I’d fallen so deeply into the ravine of loving you like I’d never loved before. Without trying, you had full custody of my heart. Oh, I don’t blame you for the heartbreak I was blind to see coming. You told me that we were just friends. You said that you didn’t want a relationship. I just had hope to change your mind and you selfishly encouraged me for my success when you never planned to.

In your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.
I told you that I wasn’t perfect. I knew that I would annoy you sometimes. I knew that compared to you, I was a complete mess. But I believed that you had allowed your heart to love me in return and that together we’d find a way to make it work. I never could have imagined the havoc that would be thrown our way from every direction. I never could have seen the events that would drag me to the bottom. But you never seemed to give up on me. You seemed to still remain in my corner, encouraging me forward when I just wanted to give up.

In your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.
As everyone else turned and walked away from me, you were there to tell me that it was their problem and not mine. You said for me to just keep doing what I needed to. With each letdown that you picked me up from, I fell more and more in love with you. I realized that my heart was so far gone by then but I still believed in miracles and magic. I believed that I was one step closer to being yours as I found a more positive outlook. I believed that the day of “us” was just around the corner.

In your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.
So how was I meant to see the day that you disappeared? You said you were being the big push that I needed to get things moving for the better of my life. You said that you were still there for me and that you would still be in my life. You knew that you were the ONLY person I had in my life. The only one that I could seek advice from. The only one that I could cry to. The only one that I could count on. You knew how much I loved you and needed you to remind me to keep going.

In your absence you’ve taught me how to live without you.
So in the last month I’ve been doing what I could to bring things to a better light. I’ve been working to get my life back on track. I’ve been trying new ideas and I’ve been scared to try some others. I’ve thought of solutions I hope will accomplish my goals. But I’ve done it alone. You haven’t been here. You have gone days without communicating with me. Y

ou know that I cannot go anywhere, and you haven’t come to see me. When I suggested you come and see me, you avoided the subject. You don’t call to see how I’m doing or how my progress is going. You don’t call to see if I’m OK. You only call to tell me about your problems or to ask my opinion, even though we both know that you won’t take my advice anyway.

In your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.
So now I know that I can live without you. My heart hurts for the dreams that I once had for us. I catch myself wanting to reach out to you and share something with you. But I then remind myself that you aren’t doing the same with me. And if you really wanted to know if I was OK, then you would ask. If I was important to you, then you would make some effort. Instead, you just abandoned me. Just like everyone else.

You now only see the negative in me and no longer believe in me. I could ask myself why I should try, if no one, not even you, believes in me and sees my potential. I could ask myself that, but I won’t. I won’t ask because I know what I hold inside. I know my value and importance. I’m just sad that you can’t. I no longer need validation from you because in your absence, you’ve taught me how to live without you.